addictionary

welcome to the hardly legendary bottom of the bottle "addictionary". Here you will find an accurate description of any words or phrases used on the "internet", and in other futuristic media, for example the "wireless" and the "televisulalatron".

got a description? please let us know addictionary@bottomofthebottle.com text only no sodding word files. yes. We copied this idea off viz. But, aha, one of these descriptions has made it into Viz! Which would be a victory apart from the fact we sent them about 50 entries and only one was good enough.

aardvark n. allegedly the first word to go in all dictionaries. But go and look in your dictionary now. Cartoons have lied to us all!

Aaron Carter pn. formerly teeny pop senshitsion, now front man of agony band Stain'd.

Adz McPartlan pn. 1)a gentleman who faced wholly unfounded rumours that he rims tramps when out on the piss. 2) someone who enjoys a pie. see also pieman 3) legendary drinking type fluent in the language of beerlarity. 4) Party size, ie plenty to go round. "Steve, what size bag of chips do you want? Large, extra large, or Adz McPartlan size?"

against me all along n. anyone who takes an even slightly contrary position to yourself when you are shitted. eg : "On man, I'm drunk, what shall we have to eat, I fancy going to italy and having a real pizza" " erm, yeah, that might be a little pricey, let's just go to donnatello's eh? " "GOD DAMN YOU! You've been against me all along!"

a bit drunk phr. to have quite a few beers, enhance your social skills, and actually become really funny. opp. be a pissed cunt. several beers is usually the correct medicinal amount needed to reach this point.

Asomvel pn. 1)Magical kind of ass that has great velocity 2) Wicked Harrogate Metal band made up of people who look scary, but are actually kind, like uncles. Former holders of the legendary wagon of Zantagon. 3) Motorhead

answer n. the way to solve a particular problem permanently. ie: "Hmmm, this truly is a conundrum, I know, Fire! That's the Answer!". Pl. Answers. Usually several fires either at the same time, or executed over a period of several hours.

Avril Lavigne pn. the clone template for all 15 year old girls that you can't wait for to turn 16. To be found wearing a girls frown. Somewhat like an itchy spot. Irritating, but you'd really like to scratch it. for sim. See also Chavril Lavigne.

Arse n. Something that occurs online that you are not desirous of eg "This site tried to download software on to my machine 4 freaking times! What an Arse" or "Pieman has written another message about how lonely he is. The Arse.". Not to be confused with Anus.

bad v. good. or sometimes bad. eg "Carol is really bad at giving blowjobs" depending upon who you ask.

ballroom dancing v. to push each other around to music. not to be confused with moshing .

beerlariouse phr sl. something only amusing to a drunkard. for example, a man in a dress. Or putting a traffic cone on top of a statue.

beerlarity v. comedy beer related antics that are funny also to the uninebriated.

beer mates n. a complete stranger who has become your soulmate over the course of 13 pints. you don't know their name however, and daren't ask, because to lose them would be too much.

beer enemys n. 1)that group of people you were close friends with at the start of the night, but due in no small part to the fact you've become a pissed cunt, have distanced themselves from your comedy antics. 2) a complete stranger who you have decided has been against you all along.

be piss poor punk n. to stay at home telling yourself how cool you are - too cool by far to actually go out, sitting in watching cilla black is a lot more punk. Also to say things like "God, all these kids getting into punk, it sucks, I mean, I want it to be my little cool thing." To not really be into the music, just to be into being different. opp. punk

bessie mate n. like a best mate, but not quite. Similar to writing "LUV FROM STACY", in that "love" is a special word not to be used too freely, like cunt.

board abb. skateboard, also deck, stick, joint, rig, shit, bessiemate. A fashion essential for all 10 year olds who don't hope for a career in car theft.

bob v. the act committed by ladies when their head is in your lap, and they are givin' you some lovin'. McBob v. the same act, committed in the toilets of McDonalds.

bottom of the bottle pn. 1)rock night with dj trev. 2) the best bit of the beer, all spit and bits of sandwich. 3) the best bit to hit a twat with in the event of a rucking. 4) where all your best ideas are to be found, but then by force of evil, left. 5) The place where all the answers are at. 6) Chad Krugers home, apparently.

black metal n. one of the elements, rumoured to be harder than nu-metal, however it is exceedingly rare to find pure black metal, as most of it comes from Scandinavia. Not to be confused with speed metal.

blue pn. a pop group. Music for people that daren't like hip-hop. Absolutely safe middle of the road sit on the fence.

boyfriend desc. ie; it'll do for now. Something to do until a guy who looks like Brad Pitt and dresses like Billy joe will turn up in richard gere's car straight from chairing a forum on caring for ill bunny rabbits. I'm not in love, but I'm gonna fuck you til somebody better comes along. opp. see girlfriend.

bugs pn. a state of unwashedness eg: "I was at the festival for 4 days in total, the showers were knackers and every time I went to the bogs I got covered in shit. Now I feel proper bugs."

busted pn. really hardly vaguely slightly rock. more like gravel in fairness. better than blue at least.

bump and grind n. to dance with a lady whilst listening to blue, and rub your knob area against her anus.

Burberry n. a kind of material which is the equivalent of a wasps stripes. Warning, avoid me!

C4 pn. Mythical Harrogate adventurers fronted by the mysterious spoonhead, who's head is a spoon. Also feature scottish stunner Craig, and a third person, but nobody knows who he is. Special move - Lazers from eyes.

creed n. the bogeyman. Mythical band that all punks despise due to supposed mystical powers.. "Don't listen to creed, you'll turn to stone"

chatting them up v. a one side conversation between two, on the surface, sexually compatible partners, with the dis-advantage of one of them finding the other utterly repugnant. When occurring, this can be the subject of great amusement amongst your close mates.

Chav pn. a youth full rapscallion. A lovable rascal with an aversion to work.

Chavelin n. A short orange projectile hurled by a member of the Burberry massive from a standing position in their version of the Olympics. A Cig end.

Chavril Lavigne n. A townie female who converts to Rockstianity, but remains unconvincing.

Chavoid v. Whilst trying to act casual, crossing over the street to avoid walking past a chavalanche.

Chavenge my death phr. When, after having imbibed too much jolly juice, upon walking home someone who may or may not have been a chav, may or may not have remarked that you should buy a belt. Whereupon, instead of confronting the suspected burberryster, you fume upon it for the rest of the evening, spoiling it for everyone, and just before you fall to sleep you resolve not to forget this moment and deal with them properly next time. No one can ever remember actually doing this, but it seems very important at the time. Fall to sleep muttering, "Chavenge me, Simba".

chip-pipe n. some one who has received a good chipping. A lady who has had sex with Dave Chip.

Chippy n. The plural of Chip. one who Chip's girls. Spoiling them for others.

close mates n. people that make your life hell. Also anybody who commits an act of comic bullying in the pub. People that want to sleep with your girlfriend/boyfriend.

Confused n. the guy that comes into mix music every week in a slipknot hoody to buy the latest scooter single. see also non-mosher. if these early conditions are not combated the sufferer may turn into a tosher.

comedy antics. desc. the activities of a pissed cunt, that whilst utterly high-lariouse to them, are merely baffling, boring, irritating, and occasionally scary to all others.

cheese-shirt n. a t-shirt emblazoned with a slogan designed to amuse, and/or shock and offend that does neither. To dress up in a cliché. All clothing by french connection uk. eg; "fancy an fcuk". Noxtreme.

cheese n. 1) anything obvious. eg : in Italian restaurant : Darren: "ere Staci, what are you having?" Staci :"Probably something really cheesey, like Macaroni cheese." 2) One of the elements. Soft substance not as hard as rock. Just harder than shit.

cheap hat. n. an inexpensive hat. Serves same purpose as a dunce hat of days of yore.

chuck on a hoody phr. to get ready. For anything. eg "its your sisters wedding in ten minutes, and you're not even dressed!" "thats ok, I'll just chuck on a hoody."

crippling emotional problems. phr. desc. what you get when your parents make you tidy your room.

cute sl. a term confused by women to be a compliment. An insult when delivered by a female and directed at a male. cuteness sl. level of how much a girl likes a boy. Will not be taken as such by boy.

curry n. 1)of food, that which is desirable when drunk and nothing else is available. 2) of Edwina, that which is desirable when Prime Minister with no top lip.

dance with a lady n. to stand directly behind a woman when pissed without her permission.

Darkness pn. 1)sad tossers really trying to be cock rock and failing miserably, whilst ripping queen off quite badly. also known as sad-act-try-hard-pop-cunts. 2) great winners that gave a fresh breath to the pop rock scene. At any rate, more likeable than P!nks suddenly rock. Darkness, to go phr. what happens to some people who liked the Darkness, but now they are popular, dislike them. see also sell out. Darkness debate n. heated discussion amongst rock types about the worthiness of aforementioned pop group.

Darkness music n. 1)crappy pop music on a par with busted. ears may bleed when listening to this as the shiteness of the music is often unbearable. 2) Fun 3) See Rainbow. see also people who suddenly don't like the Darkness.

darren n. someone called darren, who is gonna get pissed off when they see further down the page. However, it is worth noting that most darren's are good honest people. It is only those that wear shoes that are evil.

dick pn. an old fashioned person called Richard. Generally a spiffing chap, who drinks lashings and lashings of ginger ale. For some reason.

do one phr. to kindly request some one step's from your presence. eg : "hey mate, busted are great innit?" to which you would reply "Do one."

dodgey old dance music n. style of music allegedly liked by dream cowboy's and people who wish to be with it, despite the fact that what they are with, has not been it, for quite some time. Old school mate.

download pn. 1) heavy metal festival. 2) to steal. downloads, to to imbibe much alcohol. possibly at download.

dream cowboy n. some one out of touch with everything, a person who has no idea how much things cost, and has never heard of "CD's" yet is utterly convinced they "have all the moves".

dressing up smart v. when performed by a mosher, the act of putting on a clean t-shirt, re-doing their nail varnish, and doing their belt up so their trousers fit. When performed by townies, the act of putting on shoes, even if wearing shorts. Or trunks.

drunk, to be v. the state of affairs where all girls look attractive, and sometimes boys too.

drunk like pieman n. desc. to be so drunk that you actually believe everything is some one else's fault.

dioreeha n. from dire rear. literally bad bottom. Something to do in the toilets of McDonalds.

dj n. the condition of having an ego the size of milton keynes, but without the class.

Dj Sammi pn. highly offensive insult. Eg: "I've just been to the toilets in McDonalds, and did a right smelly Dj Sammi."

ere phr. - here, a scallies way of attracting attention, bearable audible comfortability only to scallies.

bearable audible comfortability phr. three words which should never follow each other for fear of making the reader spend ten minutes trying to work out what in the fuck you are on about. triple negative. gobbeldy gook. Kindly explain yourself.

embarrassment n. running round to a the guy u have a crush on's house on x mas eve drunk out of your head pushing passed him and his parents to throw up all over his bathroom then to walk out and remember in the morning. editors note, this would be particularly embarrassing if you are a man, as its bad form to have a crush on another man, unless you are a gayhomosexual.

embazzification n. embarrassment received prior to turning twelve. eg "oh man, my dad asked me what I wanted for Christmas, and I said a hoody, he bought me a hoody, but it was nickleback. Embazzification!"

eye contact sl. an insult. to make eye contact phr. The equivalent of disrespecting me on my daughters wedding day.

EXtreme! phr. to be crazy, to live the dream, to be 26 yet dress like a ten year old. Being silly. Often met with the phrase "who are you kidding".

extreme metal n. perhaps the hardest element known to man. Legend has it of a harder substance called sludge core, but that has never been proven to exist.

ecstasy n. for women : the cute guy out of the band looking at you from stage and not turning white in horror. for men : the cute one of the girls taking a mouthful and not chucking on your trainers.

fight n. two men looking at each other, pushing each other, one good punch, then surrounded by the kids chanting "barney barney!"

finger up my bum n. forbidden pleasure. Something you enjoy but wouldn't admit to in front of your mates. eg "Hey mum, you know that busted album you bought me by mistake, well it was like having a finger up my bum."

five pn. god fathers of nu-metal. The first group ever to combine rock and rap. korn copied them.

flavour n. indicative of quality as in the flavour, to mean really rather good. eg: "wasn't that a lovely wedding, didn't the sermon really stir your emotions, weren't the bridesmaids so pretty, wasn't the groom so handsome, and wasn't the bride so beautiful and full of virtue?" "yes, it was the flavour."

formidable n. most good. The ultimate in excellence. Something that cannot be surpassed. eg : "I shagged that bird the other night, it was a bit boring but then she put her finger up my bum and it was formidable!"

fuckternet n. what happens to the internet when you are trying to do something important.

fuck my life phr. to express surprise and/or frustration. the modern interpretation of the phrase Oh my word. eg "I say old boy, your hair has caught a spark from the fire, and your scalp is a flame" "Fuck my life so it is!"

funky house n. surprisingly good style of music, however often confused with dodgy old dance music or cheesy pop. To say this properly you must sound like you are falling to sleep towards the end of the sentence. eg: "Now then, have you got any fuuunnnkeh hoooorrouuuussssuh?"

girlfriend n. 1) someone who looks better in several situations a) after cooking you a meal b) whilst making love c) when you've had several beers d) with your hands around their throats. 2) something to do until someone who looks like Christina Aguilera, dresses like Gwen stefani, vibrates like Disney spears and sucks like dyson arrives on Averill lavignes back after chairing a conference on how to be more subservient. I'm not in love, but I'm gonna fuck you til somebody better comes along. opp. see boyfriend.

get real n. to be said to people who think that this addictionary is to be taken seriously. Also use-full when dealing with people who are convinced they rock, when in fact they suck. also (russian) fuckski offski or (french) fuckez offez.

givin' you some lovin' v. what a woman is doing when she is not telling you off.

girls frown desc. the look on all girls faces that renders men their slaves. The facial equivalent of "But Daddy, I want a pony".

got it n. a game played in record shops to show how cool you are to your mates. The rule being they pick up a cool cd, and you say "got it".

goth n. an unknown quantity. Hard to find. Not to be confused with mosher girl.

gothed-up n. to have on a little black make up. Phrase only used by buffoons.

go digi-pix v. a mental condition, where the sufferer believes himself to be attractive to the ladies.

good laugh n. a person of light hearted good nature who will make merry of your crippling emotional problems.

Goldicocks and the 3 beers. phr. 1) An exceedingly attractive girl who after drinking a small amount turns into a dick. 2) pn. an attractive young lady who after a night drinking comes back to yours, but isn't comfortable sleeping on the sofa, isn't comfortable sleeping in the guest bed, but once she gets into your bed, falls straight to sleep, before having chance to try your luke warm porridge. Making you utter "Cock".

got it going on n. to be in the zone. eg: still walking after 15 pints or to maintain an erection without thinking of disney spears or christina.

grind n. to experiment with very hard elements like extreme metal. Not to be confused with Bump and Grind.

grow up phr. to dye your power rangers duvet cover black. to be done by mini-moshers at the point of reaching the grand old age of 9.

half-arsed vegetarian n. someone who doesn't like to eat meat unless it tastes really nice. Won't eat cows because they are cute. Will eat chicken however, as they have no discernable cute-ness. proper vegetarian n. someone who is scared of spiders.

have it phr. "there you are sir". having it n. 1)dancing whilst imbibing narcotta. 2)enjoying something. opp. not having it. having it large n. anything done 3 years ago.

hate v. the strongest of emotions, to literally despise and detest some thing. eg : "my parents made me tidy my room. God I hate them."

hate and want dead phr. a play-full expression of slight irritation. "My girlfriend refuses to suck me off. I hate her and want her dead."

hate and want dad phr. a gay-full expression of slight irritation. "My girlfriend refuses to suck me off. I hate her and want her dad."

have all the moves n. to "got it going on" twice. a very cool person whom all sexes are inextricably drawn to, and made moist around.

Herbert n. pseudonym for shoe boy Darren. From popular not quite wank mag Loaded.

high-lariouse n. very funny to the person committing the act. not at all amusing to anybody else. The zany antics of a pissed cunt.

hip hop head n. some one who is into hip hop, is pretty cool, and can dance in a way that is, to all other mortals, impossible.

hip pop head n. someone who thinks they are into hip hop, but infact like ja rule and jennifer lopez, and nothing else.

Hoody n. all purpose all terrain wear. Suitable for any occasion. Off down the pub? chuck on a hoody. Daughters wedding day? chuck on a hoody. There are indications that upon being asked what special clothing would be worn on his mission, Scott of the Antarctic Replied "I dunno, I'll probably just chuck on a hoody".

Him/her hair n. that hair which is on the back of a lady's arm in such abundance that it makes you wonder if infact she is a he.

implodes n. what happens to your bowels if you go cold turkey from vindaloo for one month.

irony adj. that which makes anything cool. That "Busted t-shirt is really cool, in a, like ironic way!" or "The way you killed all them people was like, a really funny ironic statement on society".

ironic pn. another word for twat. eg "Have you seen that guy over there that loves funky house, but is wearing an Iron Maiden t-shirt. What's that all about?" "He's being ironic"

ja rule n. until recently, great hip hop artist. now hip pop buffoon, who does the hip hop equivalent of scooter-fy everything. that is to say, shout over everything.

kaboma on.tp. the noise of which light bulbs make when they explode from the inside out. As opposed to exploding the other way. Submitted by Rachel. who has never come across the tern implodes.

kill a man n. to get very very angry, throw a proper temper and seek satisfaction by doing something silly, eg : break a soap dispenser in the toilets. also chuck a paddy.

korn n. the most popular kind of arable grain amongst 13 year old school children. Fans show their support for this wheat by tippex-ing it over their school bags. Equally as popular as slipknot's. More popular than limp bizkit's. Cooler than several nicklebacks.

kerrang! n. to be fantastic occasionally, sometimes to be shite. Schitzo. To contradict ones self. Like a ten year old child, Generally to be good, but willing to throw tantrums at niclkebacks.

lady n. someone with no balls .pl. ladies a bunch of people with no balls. Must always be addressed with the phrase "Heeey Ladies".

laughing mates n. a group of men, usually dressed in button down shirts, laughing at the high-lariouse antics of a drunken accomplice who is threatening you with a broken bottle.

Leeds festival pn 1)possibly the best weekend of the year. 2) a weekend, with one good day, and two days of the streets and Coldplay or something.

licking v. that what you do when you are not poking. also lick. Not to be confused with rim.

limp bizkit's n. 1)bizkits that have been left out of the tin, therefore increasingly unpopular with 13 year old children. Often heard to be said "Those limp bizkits were better when they first came out." More credible than sum 41. 2) something you've been waiting on for ages to do anything. see also linkin park. 3) rip off.

linkin park n. the subject of much debate amongst moshers. Mentors of the suddenly rock. bizarrely, not a park in Lincoln.

looking for a rucking v. to be on a mission for a fight. What townies do if not avoiding the smackdown with squaddies..

make her pay attention phr. to make a lady sit up and take interest in the act of intercourse by putting one, two or three fingers in her fudge factory.

McParty v. 1) Involves getting drunk with Adz McPartlan and tormenting tramps. 2) A party held in McDonalds.

McFarty n. a person that cannot keep up with Adz McPartlans drinking. nb: the metric measurement of McPartlan drinks per hour (Mcph) is one pint for every three inches you are in height.

McSquaddie n. someone who looks like a squaddie but rather than actually going off and defending the country against it's many enemies chooses to spend their time sat out side McDonalds hurling light hearted abuse at passers by. Also McFodder. Townies. The Streets.

metal n. one of the fundamental elements that make up everything. Things that are made of metal include Cd's, belt buckles and beer. Metal is harder than rock, though there is dispute in the scientific community as to whether or not it is harder than nu-metal.

mini-moshers n. moshers who are proper moshers, but under 4 foot tall. Good kids with amazing musical knowledge and positive outlook. Often to be found saying things like "Contrary to the reviews I've read, I really find the Linkin park remix album to be most enjoyable, now whilst I realise they aren't the coolest band around, I find the remixes are almost a labour of love, and not just another big cash in, and whilst some new material would be nice, this has given a fresh out look on one of the best albums of last year. Can I have some sweets."

mini-moshers cuntfucks n. mini moshers who wear the clothes, don't listen to the music, and are arrogant little tits. Often to be found saying things like "I'm not a mosher, they are all smelly - I'm a skater" or similar such diversionist crap. Also to be found saying "Linkin park suck" 2 minutes after taking off their Linkin park hoody and chucking it in the bin. N.B. if these early conditions are not combated the sufferer may turn into a tosher.

Mini-Townies n. small townies who on first contact will attempt to fight you, but after a sever shit-kicking by a much bigger group of pissed off moshers, return home to get their "21 year-old big brother on you". Usually speak in a high pitched squeal because their balls haven't dropped yet.

21 year old big brother n. someone who will no doubt drop what they were doing to rush out and look for a large bunch of people who will have long since buggered off to the park.

mister luvva luvva n. someone who has imbibed enough alcohol to become convinced they are irresistible to the ladies. A way to recognise people inflicted with this, is that they will usually be grinning like a goon whilst grinding their groin into the back of an entirely non-plussed female, whilst nodding enthusiastically at their laughing friends.

miss the point phr. to read this and to say "wat the fuk r u talkin about ??? is this dissin townies or moshers if u dissin moshers then fuk off cuz i like em even if i aint 1 masel all ma mates r moshers n they r orted as 4 townies wat the fuk they r proper tramps!!!". to be confused. also to say "god dammit kids Your all just victims of fashion! where is the individual these days? The word mosher in 1994 was an insult. No one ever gets the shit ripped out of them for having long hair and wearing baggies! The use of the word mosher is over used! Now phuk off!" see get real.

mosh 1) v. to push each other around to music. not to be confused with ballroom dancing.

mosher n. 1) a fictional character. Thought of as an insult by townies. Not an insult 2) one that moshes 3) one that would mosh, if they weren't too busy hanging around town berating townies for doing the same. 4) one who hates ones parents.

mosher girl n .know to everyone who's not into rock as a goth. Usually wearing predominantly black clothes. Highly attractive but utterly unaware of this. Possessors of good sense of humour, unless you are "chatting them up". Possibly half-arsed vegetarian. young mosher girl n. same as mosher girl but proper vegetarian, with a cheery upbeat disposition, good sense of humour and positive out look, yet confusingly wearing a t-shirt proclaiming "I hate my life and want to die".

mosh-mosh music sl. term used exclusively by people not into rock. Usually used to describe heavy metal, but depending upon speakers stupidity, can be used for anything from nickleback to five.

osher n. a mosher that does not mosh. they like the music, but stand at the back, where its safe.

tosher n. someone who reckons them self to be a mosher, but on closer inspection, is just a twat. advanced stage of confused mosher, mini-moshercunfuck and non-mosher conditions.

mooching v: the process by which stoners travel, minimum effort required as feet move so slowly.

narcota n. stimulant that can be addictive. for examples see ecstasy, speed, vindaloo, porn, girls, or in some cases, boys.

Noxtreme n. to attempt EXtreme! , but to fail, and merely achieve comic. To have a badtoo.

No one ever gets the shit ripped out of them for having long hair and wearing baggies phr. as said by some one who appears to live in an alternate universe or dream cowboy.

new wave punk n phr - a collection of chords that never change from song to song. An uninventive form of old skool punk. Not actually punk. A load of bollocks. or a punk sponsored washing up liquid by the sounds of it.

nickleback pn. 1) a commercial kind of fish. 2)allegedly mosher music that it's cool for non-moshers to like, but not moshers to like.

non-mosher-mosher girl n. a new concept. A girl, who, on the surface appears to be a mosher girl. however, upon closer inspection, is a normal girl who has noticed the level of male interest in mosher girl's. Thus to be found wearing a ripped t-shirt declaring "i love heavy rock" , a patch decreeing her to be a "punk chic", and a badge announcing "this bitch bites" that her dad bought her. And twelve belts. Listens to blue, eminem, "but not that heavy mosh-mosh music, though I like that nickleback song".

non-mosher gen n. a generalisation of people who appear to be moshers to all intent purposes, however, when you talk to them with regards to a mosher orientated subject they look baffled e.g. "ah good lady, i see you are wearing a slipknot hoody, isn't the stonesour album great?" non-mosher "Eh? stonewhatnow... stone sour, is that like a Chinese dish?". if these early conditions are not combated the sufferer may turn into a tosher.

my-i-net n. to be in a state of total confusion. Utterly without direction, purpose, or poise. Website run by john carnell.

spit your dummy out n. what just happened when john carnell made a fleeting remark.

nu-metal n. one of the elements, a metal invented by super criminals. So hard that you can't cut it with scissors or anything. Harder than rock. Scientists speculate that black metal may be harder than nu-metal, however, they have never been able to create that in lab conditions.

oh man phr. sl. of townies the correct way to begin any sentence of importance. eg "oh man, we are gathered here today". man phr. of townies the correct way to end any sentence. "You're honour, Whilst I agree that stealing the car was the wrong thing to do, and whilst also acknowledging that after hitting the pedestrian I should have realised it was time to stop trying to get away from the officers in question, I submit that I was under the influence of alcohol and glue and therefore was not responsible for my own action, man."

ollie n. a magical trick performed by young masturs of the board. Physically impossible.

old school mate n. phrase used to describe something that is old, with the mistaken belief that this phrase makes it cool.

old n. anything that you can't buy over the internet, with the exception of e-bay, where the reverse is true.

on the pull v. a disabling condition where the sufferer is rendered offensive to members of the opposite sex.

on a mission desc. a townie doing anything. eg. "Darren, I'm on uh mission to get Stacuh some ciggies. Are yuh comin'?"

out of your league n. someone sexually unavailable to yourself. eg : best mates mum / girlfriends younger sister.

passion wagon n. a vehicle which renders the undergarments of women defective.

people who suddenly don't like the Darkness. pn. Often to be found saying things like "God it's just rubbish" and can be found taking life too serious at the back of most gigs. Tutting and musing on how unfair everything is. Like how unfair it is when someone comes along and does something they wish they had thought about, and does it really well whilst making a million pounds at it.

pissed cunt n. someone who is normally a good laugh, but on imbibing alcohol becomes mister luvva luvva and proceeds to alienate all women with his sexual drunk-vances.

piemans arse crack n. 1) Jennyfield Drive. "Hey darren, now you've twokked this car, where are we gonna drive it? "I'm gonna drive it at 120 miles per hour up piemans arse crack!" 2) Piemans actual arse crack. Something that which you would not lick. 3)an unappealing area of congealed sweat. Areas to be found between folds of Michael Winners chin flab 4) an unsuitable place to store food products. "This pasty from Greggs tastes like it came from piemans arse crack"

pity titty n. a person who feels they are the hardest done by person in the world because of any small hardship that they have brought on themseves. eg "man, my boss fired me, and all I did was not turn up for work for the last three weeks with no reason, and get caught for stealing. Oh yes, and I got his 12 year old daughter pregnant. And I was running drugs from his office. Do you think I could sue him?" - pissed pity titty see drunk pieman.

poker v. a game involving two men and one woman whereby the men play a game of cards on the woman's back.

pond life n. lower forms of life than amoeba's, who can only communicate by shouting at you in the street.

proper bo phr. formiddable. from the TV show News at Ten coined when Peter Sissons remarked "Harold Shipman's killed himself, it's proper bo!" Not to be confused with proper bugs.

proper bugs v. to be in a state of extended bugs. to smell like piemans arse crack on a summers day if he was wearing a wetsuit, for some reason.

rents n. an alternative name for the parents of an apparent well behaved down to earth teen going through a "phase" ie: lives a secret life out of home regularly drunk, full on stoner and properly into rock slash metal .

rock n. one of the elements. hard substance, but not as hard as nu-metal. Far harder than cheese however.

Rock on phr - said by a happy rock n roll fan. Usually heard after the fan has said something clever creating a subtle impact of personal patriotism to rock music. see also the horns. often making little or no real sense. eg: "Bugs, we're off for a curry, are you coming?" "Yeah man, rock on!"

Right thinking people n. Those people who you agree with. Not to be confused with wrong thinking people.

rim v. to prove your loving dedication. rimming to rim rimming a tramp one must assume to eat garlic bread. "Jesus mate, your breath stinks, what have you been doing, rimming a tramp?" see also Adz McPartlan lord of the rim pn. a gentleman what is gay.

R'n'B n 1) Rhythm and Blues, a nice style of music that lots of today's artists draw inspiration from. 2) rnb pronounced "arrunbee" taking over from funky house in the domain of music for people who are not really into that style of music, but it's cool so they'll pretend they are. Until Radio 1 tells them what to like next week. Probably Bavarian funk.

satanost n. someone who claims to be a Satanist for shock value without actually having a clue what that means. failure to understand that writing 666 on a pencil case does not the antichrist make. often acted out on stage by support bands saying things like "this songs called jesus is a killer, cos the cunt is" rather than inspiring church burning, it simply appears farcical. the metal equivalent of writing nike in biro on your dunlop trainers to make them look more expensive. Bizarrely it is more shocking these days to claim to be a Christian.

shock value n. a truly sad act. the metal equivalent of writing nike in biro on your dunlop trainers to make them look more expensive.

Scally n. semi-human life form that displays strong interest in greasing hair back as tight as possible. Identifiable due to cries of "ere" to additional scally members. often to be found shouting at you in the street. No longer desc. of a scouser.

Scallification - v. to scallify, to become scallified, to essentially become a scally. The process in which scally status is ultimately reached.

scallify v. to clearly cheapen something. To release an single entitled "rock dj".

schemies n. Some one who prefers not to work, instead earning their income by numerous clever and inventive schemes. Eg : bashing a little old lady over the head with a brick to steal her bus fare.

scooter n. a kind of crap transport that confused moshers like, for some fucking reason. scooter-fy v. to shout over the top of everything you do.

skater boy n. correct spelling SK8TR BOI some one who is a punk, but does not do ballet. Will hang around town carrying their skateboard under one arm, with a spare one in their comically over sized rucksack in care they get a flat tyre. Can usually be found behind BHS attempting ollie.

shiternet n sla. slow internet crap. The time it takes the forum on this site to do what its meant to do.

shitted n. drunk enough to talk to that girl you've fancied for months, but have wisely avoided telling, as she is out of your league.

shout at you in the street n. similar to turrets syndrome. to shout everything you think for example "Hey, hey, theres a m-m-osher, mosher, guh, mosher. are you a mosher, mosher? hey mosher, wh-why dont you go and mosh, mosher". A truly unfortunate condition, the sufferers of which should probably be put down. All shoe boy darrens suffer this.

shoe boy darren n. a type of young man who wears shoes, and is usually called Darren; often found outside McDonalds resplendent in his full regalia - that being a "le cock sportif" shell suit top, pale blue tight jeans, and a baseball cap perched precariously atop a number one cut by "Debbie mobile hairdresser" .This outfit can be altered for formal occasions by exchanging the jeans for trakkie bottoms tucked into his socks . bunch of shoe boy darrens pl. a group of shoe boy darren's who upon noticing you will at all cost avoid eye contact and go quiet, until you are ten yards past them, upon which point they will shout at you in the street "mosher", or perhaps alter the words to a perceived "mosh" song - for example - "this is how you remind me of some moshers i know" taken from nickleback's How you remind me pop hit. opp. nice guy Dave

spoonhead pn. creature similar to medusa, except that instead of poisonous snakes on head, head is a spoon.

squaddie n. a member of the armed forces good squaddie n. a member of the armed forces who is well balanced and reasonable, an all round nice bloke. Joined the army to serve his country. Generally avoids squaddie mattress's and shoe boy darren's. 85% of squaddies. bad squaddie n. a member. recognisable by a severe affection for violence. Joined the army to become superior to civvy's, and kill people. Often found in a kebab shop at 2.30am staring at you, or on top of a squaddie mattress. 5% of squaddies. squaddie of differing standing n. a member of the armed forces subject to chance. Sometimes your best friend, buying drinks and insisting you join in the general rough housing to be had. Often on the pull with mosher girls, using the chat up line "so, you must be a goth then". Occasionally to be found in the company of bad squaddie's, will not recognise you, and be looking for a rucking. With you. Outside. Now. 10 % of squaddies.

squaddie mattress n. a young lady with bleached and permed hair who find's the company of members of our armed forces pleasurable. Will usually end every 4th word spoken with the sound "uh" for example "why's he got tuh be such a wankuh?". shoe boy darren's girlfriend.

Slaag n a lady that goes a little bit further than your average slag. ie will put a finger up your bum too. If your into that kind of thing.

slipknot n. the most popular kind of knot amongst 13 year old school children. Fans show their support for this method of binding by tip-exing it over their school bags. Equally as popular as korn. Cooler than nickleback's.

sludge core n. subject of much debate in scientific community. Is this the super hardest element made up of grinding extreme metal with black metal, or is it just bollocks.

sell out phr. to be more popular/and or better than than the speaker. eg. member of small band: "less than jake have sold out" ie, less than jake are more popular than my band

smackdown n. heavy violence with revenge motive. For example "that mosher made eye contact with me, I might have to give him the smackdown" opp. avoiding the smackdown n. to look elsewhere. Or to suddenly meet many friends.

sort out my room phr. said by mini-moshers when about to buy new posters of maralyn manson to cover up your fireman sam wall paper.

some cases n. those people that are different to right thinking people. eg : "For entertainment men like to lick a lady's vagina. Or in some cases, her anus."

speed n. special dietary supplement that they apparently felt the need for in Top Gun.

speed metal n. the fastest of all the elements. possibly the reason for the extinction of dinosaur rock. Scientists speculate that Speed metal delayed the first Vanilla Ice age.

spoil it for everyone phr. Any pissed act that doesn't seem like a big deal at the time, but in reality ruins everyone elses night. eg : a boyfriend rowing with a girlfriend, a boy rowing with a doorman, anything that Pieman does once he's passed the goldicocks and the 3 beers stage..

suddenly rock n. someone who one minute likes sophie ellis bextor, then overnight "becomes" the embodiment of all things metal. To become a caricature of kerrang!. To rush out and buy nickleback, linkin park, sum 41. to throw the horns about anything, for example "get in, here comes the bus, oh my, i'm suddenly gay (throws the horns)".

suddenly gay n. to suddenly become gay. for a coulple of weeks. then to be "not sure," or, even better, "confused".

suddenly lesbian n. an act to avoid the sexual overtures of a pissed cunt. also what happens to girls when they get on a podium to dance.

sum 41 pn. a popular sum in maths with secondary school children. But losing credibility due to feature on blue peter.

townie n. someone who love's town. A term horrifically over used by moshers. townies pl people who love to be in town but not to be in employment.

the horns sig. sign language of the phrase Rock on . Formerly ultra cool, now tongue in cheek more often than not. "man, this cheeseburger is great (throws the horns), but this chips are shit (does not throw horns)". throw the horns act. to actually do the same. as if you don't know, index and little finger up, thumb out or in, depending upon personal technique.

the shit n. highly complimentary phrase eg: "last night the wife gave me brown access, and it was the shit." bizarrely, the shit can also often be the flavour. Not to be confused with shit n. that which is bad or shitty n. that which is gross "last night the wife gave me brown access, but I got shitty dick, it was shit."

shitty dick n. a dick that is shitty 2) a defunct character in Viz that was shit.

the ladies desc. 1) the ladies that you are addressing with the greeting "heeey ladies" 2) all ladies when on the pull 3) female latrine .

the Mullholland pn. mystic champions of good. Band of men who travel the land winning acclaim by acts of good will a bit like robin hood. Special move - rob from the rich and drink to the floor.

too much phr. something that slightly effects your life in a vaguely negative manner. eg : " man, I've lost my lighter, it.s too much, i think I'm gonna snap and kill a man"

too real to be real desc. somebody who spends all their time thinking about everything and how they can be better than all others. Often found to be saying things such as "god, grow up, moshers, well, its just a fashion, I've been into metal since when I was a stem cell in my mother womb, not just because its in fashion."

torsohorse pn. mythical creature with the body of a horse, and the torso of a slightly smaller horse. Special move - kung-fu spin kick.

that'll learn them phr. to be said when some miscreant has got their just desserts. eg Staci :"Darren twokked this car the other night, and eh crashed the bastad and he lost both his legs!" rest of the world: "well, that'll learn him".

The Streets. pn. Townie type who breaks the rule by having a job. And that job is talking bollocks over semi garage. Respect due to the fact that this style of music is so different from most other stuff out there, but it's still shit. Patron Saint of all herberts.

trev - n. 1. a dj with a sick and twisted sense of humour -ie: this site. 2). moron who forgets all about this section and updates it when he can be arsed.

trendy n. to wear cool clothes, but not be a mosher. nor a townie. nor a hip-hop head. just be a person. Often likes Funky house.

twat n. someone who would twat you, if he was with all of his mates, as he isn't he'll act like he's your best friend.

twoc v. Taking Without Owners Consent twokker n. thieving shit cut off their hand.

Un-Chavailable for work phr. the stat of not being able to work, because there is a McDonalds that needs to be hung around outside.

uninebriated n. a person or persons who join you on a night out after you've already got pissed, and hence find your beerlariousness un amusing. eg "Come on, give me my fucking glasses back ,they were bloody expensive" "No don't chuck them in the river, don't worry about him, he's just uninebriated the miserable cnut"

under produced garage punk crap n.phr. to go in the studio after hearing the white stripes or hives, but to miss out the song writing part, and just turn down all the nobs. An unholy racket.

the voices n. - some thing to blame for doing all those naughty things you shouldn't. -ie. 'the voices made me do it!' . phrase on a cheese-shirt.

wank v. 1) the act of loving ones self furiously whilst the girlfriend is downstairs brushing her teeth with a tooth brush you earlier put up your bum for some reason. 2) something not right good. "the other night pieman made me smell his arse crack. It was wank."

Wank mag n. 1)a really good magazine. See Men Only 2) a really bad magazine. See Womens world. But not a really bad magazine eg : Bizzarre Dwarfs.

wear shoes v. the act of dressing up smart when performed by townies. pre. putting on shoes.

when are yuh gonna play some fuckin chillies. ph. to be repeated 50 times a night when having been told already that all the chillies to be had have been had. an insult. to be said whilst wearing a cheap hat.

wrong thinking people n. people who are wrong. See also chip pipe's, nazi's, and girls.

zany antics phr. fun committed for fun's sake alone. eg. to affix a sticker to a gents back declaring "I've got an itch that only a man can scratch"

zymurgy pn. mystic dark army of the zym. Not to be confused with the rats of nhym. Special move - dark frown that turns victim to salt.